Asphyxia

There is this riotous void that has been harrowing my emotions and putting me in distress. This has been going on for a long time now. I sometimes feign to believe that all will soon be a happy ending but I guess I am just deceiving myself with these sustained dense, mighty lies. There is never a readiness that exists from within to accept them. I just can't for a plethora of reasons. They have hurt me and scarred me deeply that reconciliation is beyond possible. They made it clear that their intense disdain are instilled in my mind. The thought of them are like acrid taste in my mouth which I can never tolerate that I tend to spit over again.

I am awfully disdained with this tumultuous hatred and my heart cannot bear it. My heart longs for a change - peace, humility, acceptance, and most importantly, forgiveness. Forgiveness is a hard work and I know I will be working laboriously to gain this and give this to the one who rightfully needs it - for justice and peace.

Wayward Dog-hearted Lewdster

I feel like a helpless prey trapped in a snare. It sucks to have myself entangled with people who are never really necessary in my life. Building a stable and positive, if not positive, at least a neutral relationship with them has now become one of the things that I need to worry about and constantly deal with. I am coerced to accept the big possibility of my fate getting entwined perpetually with these "unnecessary people." Being involved with them is never my option. It just all originated when I met someone special in my life. I guess being connected with them just tags along.

I wasn't really happy circa beginning that I met these "unnecessary people." I have tried comprehending the situation long before as I was warned and given the idea of what kind of people they are. I tried to understand but I never thought that situations could get even worse and more irksome once you get to know them face-to-face. From the start, I only received apathy, anger, guilt and power trips, hatred, and indifference -- which is not a very nice scenario when you are in my POV. I met them only a few times and the experience was unforgettable, burdensome, and tedious. I never expected special treatments but the indifference around their presence is completely bothersome! What the hell did I do to deserve such treatment? I never did anything wrong. I was kind and polite, courteous and congenial to them. Nevertheless, I still get execrable treatment in exchange for my positive attitude. 

Even though I have met them only a few times, I am still connected with them via this person and this connection yielded to a silent and cold war; haplessly, it still wages. I foresee that this burden of establishing neutral relationships with these rude boors will continue for a lifetime and will only subside when I finally detached myself from this person (which goes to almost zero possibility). It sucks to know that they hate me for obviously unreasonable claims. It bothers me a lot and as long as my relationship continues with this person, the concealed fight will continuously carry on.

It's such a pain in the ass to bear this beastly problem. I am bound to deal with these "unnecessary people" even when I should be the least person who should be concerned. How I wish I can freely express my enmity and abhorrence towards them and the situation they have put me into without inflicting anyone to emotional hurt. Oh the pang and disgust that I feel that I was even condemned and never was given a chance to redeem myself! How I wish I could iron things out but it turns out, no matter what, nobody can ever please everybody.