I have been contemplating a lot for a long time now regarding what really constitutes my tomorrows. It is bothersome that when I think of tomorrow, it is likewise seeing a picture of a sky sucking me in. Days are pulling closer and there is not much time left for any unremarkable decisions.
I brood on things that keep me from being what I need to be and what my heart really tells me to be. I would, if only I could, be whoever I want to be if only I could make the right choice. I'm not saying that I'm closing my doors but I couldn't be someone who I am not for long just for the sake that 'this-molded-me-to-become-a-good-nurse'. In fact, I accepted my fate long before that I could be a good nurse. But looking at the brighter side, I am not limited to what I was molded to be. I love my friends for their encouragements, I appreciate them. All of the encouragements lifted my spirit high but it's not what really makes me happy and fulfilling and to think of it, it isn't quite a good scene. What I just realized is that it should always be about the choices I make, I have to make, that gives me responsibility for my own decisions not the choices THEY make.
I am still quite confused if I am walking on the right path and heading to my assigned destination. I still lack confidence in myself that I can really be patient in taking care of different people that we call patients. I am scared honestly, because I think that my nursing skills and knowledge are getting rusty. I am afraid with a lot of things but deep within me, there is this unexplainable feeling that tells me to go on and be confident with myself for God will always protect me. I keep that covenant and I do not really want to be stubborn but as of now, I need time to dwell on things that should be given more attention -- the things I am currently dealing with...
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